Life Sucking Alien

I just woke up from 11 hours of sleep. 11 hours! There was a short period in my second trimester when I would sleep this much, and I enjoyed it! But I didn't think it would happen again. I had to take a nap on Tuesday after teaching for an hour and teaching lessons has been a struggle because I can't seem to get my brain to work. I've decided that this is because Charlotte is sucking the life out of me.

I have several spiral notebooks that I keep around the house to make my lists in. I wrote on the front of them with Sharpies so that I could tell them all apart. I have one for writing down the bills and budget, one for keeping notes and lists for my voice students, one for choir planning, etc.. The one I use on a daily basis is my "daily lists" notebook. This is where I write down my to do's throughout the week. I've had the same four or five things on my list for at least two weeks and I just can't bring myself to get them done. They're not even hard things either!

One is to hem my tablecloth. This would take about ten minutes. It's been sitting on my dining room table with the iron and sewing machine taunting me for days. Every morning I sit on my couch and every morning I look up, and there it is, still waiting to be hemmed. I know I'll do it eventually so I can put all the sewing stuff out in storage, but I just haven't found the extra push I need to walk across the room and get it done. It took me a whole week to finally do my laundry (when I ran out of pants).

I'm usually not a procrastinator. I like to get things done so I can move on to the next thing. Perhaps this is my subconscious way of preventing the pain of labor. If my house isn't ready, the baby can't come yet! Or maybe it's just that the baby is growing like crazy (the massive size of my belly being a key indication) and is sucking the life out of me so that I don't have enough energy to do anything!

I have a prenatal appointment this evening. Paul's been having to work 12 hour shifts lately so he's going to miss my appointment. My mom's going to come with me instead. I'm looking forward to her meeting my midwife and to her getting to see the birth center - although it's not the one I'll deliver at, but she'll get the idea. Paul's going to come with me to our birth class after. I've been learning so much from birth classes, it's really exciting to get to go every week to learn something new!

Finally!

YAY!!!

Yesterday marked a day of things that were a long time coming!

But first, I want to give a huge shout out to my buddy Julia and her recent post in ~"Just Relax!"~. After two years of trying, she and her husband are expecting and I could not be more happy and excited for them! Yay!

I hope it's okay that I give you love here Julia :)

Now for more firsts.

Saturday morning we went to the rhododendron gardens to have maternity photos taken. It was a beautiful day and I think we got really lucky with the temporary nice weather. We were all very amused at how many other pregnant ladies were there having pictures taken too. I will post pictures as soon as I have them. I know I probably won't be thrilled with how huge I look in the pictures, but in several months/years I will look at the pictures with fond memories of being pregnant and won't feel quite so unattractive as I do now.

I stayed the night at my parents Saturday night to help cook and clean to get ready for Zombie Jesus / fertility day. As usual, Charlotte was doing somersaults in my belly first thing in the morning and my mom actually saw my belly jumping! So now I'm not the only one that has seen her moving.

Later after the big binge I was sitting on the couch with my sister when I saw her kicking and wiggling and grabbed my sisters hand to stick on my belly. She said she could actually feel her kick. This is another first that only I have been privy to so far. I was happy to have my mom and sister get to see proof of her existence - other than the sight of my giant belly of course!

Our baby shower is in the works. I'm very amused at how my mom keeps asking for my input and then tells me that my opinion doesn't matter because they get to throw the shower how they want to - but what do I want to do for food? They'll be sending out invitations soon, but if you want to save the date, it will be Saturday June 4th, and it will be an open house (meaning you can come anytime during the 3 hour window). I see this as a chance to see our friends and family while we're still sane and not sleep deprived so Paul will be there and boys should come too! Did you really think we'd be traditional about this? haha!

Life Today

Tonight at our birth class we spent a good amount of time talking about placenta. It's a wildly fascinating topic that I'm sure everyone is just dying to know more about! Right? Okay maybe not, but I like to process by sharing.

First lets review what we learned many moons ago in high school health class. Placenta is basically how a baby gets nutrients from the mother. It attaches to the umbilical cord which transfers oxygen, blood, and nutrients to the baby and takes away waste. It's full of protein, blood, iron, hormones and nutrients.

So, who cares? Well, the main topic of our conversation in class was what do you do with it?

There are several options. Most people just have it thrown away. Typically when you don't want it, it gets incinerated. Some save it and bury it in their garden. Some have it encapsulated. This is when it's dried out with very low heat, ground up into a powder, and put into pills. The road least traveled is to eat it. I think the most appealing way to do this (in spite of how incredibly unappealing this is) is to blend it into a smoothie.

After learning some of the benefits, I think we're leaning towards encapsulation. I know I sound crazy so bear with me. After you give birth, you are in a state where you have lost a lot of blood, you haven't had a square meal to keep your energy up for days and you're physically exhausted. Your body, which has been producing massive amounts of hormones and red blood cells (thus the need for iron), suddenly stops making hormones and blood, and goes into full on milk production mode. Guess where you can get this all back from? Yeah, the placenta.

In studies done of women who have chosen to ingest their placenta (either in a pill or otherwise), about 99% had no signs of post-partum depression, they had more energy, their ability to sleep was better than those who had not, and there were many other positive benefits. This has more information.

Considering how little I know about what is actually in the pills I take, I think I can handle taking a pill. I also think that it would be worth feeling as good as I can after the baby's born not just for me, but so that I can be a better mother for my baby. Our midwife also told us that some women save some of the pills for menopause which has helped them get through it much better. We got a bunch of business cards and information about encapsulation at our class and I'm going to research some options and decide who we'd like to have do this for us. The other concern is that it's another expense we have to find money for, but I feel like I can justify another $75-$130 when I think about how much money we'd have spent even by now going to a hospital instead of the birth center. I think I'll make a donation jar with information to set out at our baby shower.

Now that I've thoroughly grossed you all out, I have a completely different topic. We found out today that my mother-in-law had a stroke. Two days ago Paul got a call from his brother that their mom had been found unconscious and was taken to the hospital. They finally diagnosed the issue today. From the sound of it she seems to be okay, she's just unable to speak. Hopefully with some speech therapy and time she'll be able to talk again. We're all very worried about her, but there really isn't much we can do with them being so far away. Honestly there's not much we could do if they were close either.
Anyway, this has been a heavy issue in our house the last couple of days and we are just relieved to know that she's going to be okay.

Pregnancy Power Food!

I just made up another batch of curry chicken salad and I felt the need to share. This is really super good for  pregnancy because of how many elements it incorporates that are healthy! The recipe is loosely based on the one they make at whole foods. I made measurements in ranges because I tend to like more mayo than chutney but I also like my salad dry overall.

4 chicken breasts (good for protein)
1/3-1/2 Cup mayo or yogurt (greek yogurt has more protein)
1/3-1/2 Cup mango chutney
1-3 teaspoons curry powder (good source of iron and vitamin C)
1/2-1 teaspoon turmeric (the main ingredient in curry powder, but I add more for color and extra nutrients)
1-2 stalks chopped celery (contains silica which is great for stretching skin)
1/4-1/2 currants or raisins
handful chopped walnuts (high protein, omega 3's and iron)
handful chopped almonds (good source of folate and helps monitor cholesterol levels)

Cook the chicken breasts however you like your chicken cooked - baked/fried/boiled. I boil mine because it's easy. Chop chicken into cubes. Mix mayo and chutney with curry powder and turmeric. Stir in chicken and rest of ingredients.

I eat this either on whole grain bread (good source of protein and other vitamins) or over spring greens (a good source of iron). Both ways are delicious and I feel like I'm being very well behaved in my eating habits!

Navigating Vaccinations

So far navigating the choices around pregnancy and our baby have been pretty straightforward. We've chosen to do a water birth rather than the hospital, we've decided to do a combination of cloth and disposable diapers, I want to breast feed rather than not. For the most part, things have been pretty much "this or that" decisions. Vaccinations are a different story.

Instead of "either this or that" decisions, there are many choices you can make and many consequences for every choice along the way. Educating myself about vaccinating feels about the same as educating myself on politics. You can research and learn about a topic, and then compare opinions to the facts, but you never feel like you know every side of the story, and sometimes you never feel like you can understand enough to take a stance. That's how I feel about vaccines.

Baby with measles.

Here's an example:
The MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) vaccine schedule for Washington County is 12 months or 15 months and 4-6 years. All three of these diseases are not life threatening and once you have had any of these you are immune for life. There is a possibility that any of these viruses could lead to complications that could be life altering or threatening, but the complications are about the same as if you were to get the flu or chicken pox.

Baby with Chickenpox (Varicella)

The MMR vaccine itself can be broken into 3 separate vaccines, but often is not. Most will not have any adverse reactions to the vaccine, but, just like getting sick from the viruses, there are risks. The lists of possible diseases and reactions associated with these three vaccines is much longer than the list for the viruses themselves. This is also the vaccine that has recently been linked with a high rate of autism - this hasn't been extensively studied, so there isn't a sure connection, but more research is showing the link between the two, and the connection seems to be specific to the combined vaccine rather than the separated one. This doesn't even address what is actually "in" the vaccines - many contain animal byproducts and harmful toxins like mercury.

We could choose to do the normal schedule of the combined vaccine, we could do the normal schedule but separate the vaccines, we could do a delayed schedule and do the combined or separated in which case we'd need to decide how long we wanted to delay this for, or we could just not do it at all and if our kid gets sick we'll take care of it.

The last element is the combination of vaccines. This is one of several and many are administered at the same time. So if you child does have an adverse reaction, it could be because of one of these three vaccines - or it could be the Hep B, the Hib, the Polio, the Hep A, the PCV7, the Varicella or the flu shots that you got all together at your last appointment - because they do them all at once. Apparently this is normal.

If we choose to do anything besides the normal schedule we are then faced with a new set of consequences. Schools and daycares in Oregon have laws about the number of each vaccine kids must have in order to be enrolled in school. There are ways to have this requirement waived - you can sign a paper that says you are aware of the fact that you are neglecting your child (yeah it's actually worded that way) or you can say that it is because of religious reasons.
We are also very limited on pediatricians. Many will not accept patients that have not been vaccinated on the normal schedule and will not tolerate skipping vaccines or delaying them.

If we choose not to do the normal vaccination schedule - and we will because I like to keep things complicated - we have to live with the consequences of our choices. If our little girl does get measles when she's 5 (there has recently been an outbreak so it's very possible) I have to be informed enough to recognize and treat it. I also need to have a pediatrician that won't lecture me and neglect my kid if I take her to urgent care.

With the vaccinations I agree with, I have to live with the guilt of what I did to my baby if she ends up having a reaction to the vaccine. I do think that there is validity to vaccinations which is why I don't want to decide just to skip all of them in general. I just think that it's more complicated than "everybody does it so it must be okay."

There is some hope. I did some research today and have found some great resources. First babycenter. While the website itself tends to keep neutral and follow the recommendations of doctors in their articles, they host multiple forums where ideas and information are freely exchanged and you can find support nor matter how radical or how traditional you choose to be (I'm no more interested in being criticized for having my child on a normal vaccine schedule than I am for having her on an abnormal one). I have been a member of a natural unmedicated childbirth forum since the beginning of my pregnancy and have learned more from other women in my shoes than I have in any of the books or websites I've used so far. Personal experience and a collective of research and education is pretty valuable. The vaccination board is called none/selective/delayed vaccinations and is open to anyone to join.

It was through this board that I found a list of family practitioners and pediatricians that respect and support parents' rights to choose what is best for their children. I found out that one of them is not only close to us, but is in network for our insurance!

Here's their website: http://www.drpaul.md/index.html
The vaccine schedule he recommends on his website looks much more along the lines of what I've been thinking so far. I made an appointment to meet him and his staff and to discuss our ideas about what we want for our child.

Overall I would prefer that my baby not get sick at all so I feel like I'm battling the lesser of two evils in making any decisions about vaccines. As I learn and figure out a clearer picture of what I want to do I will share. I hope that a boring long post like this is helpful for other mothers who are in the midst of making this decision as well.

Noodles! (In HD!)

I have just successfully completed my first attempt at making homemade noodles - just like my oma (oma being the german word for grandma) used to make. Although she didn't have a Kitchenaid mixer. To celebrate I took pictures and got flour all over my phone so I could make a photo post about it. I also figured out how to use the HD setting on my phone so these photos are of the utmost phone quality!

Before I started taking pictures I mixed the dough with a dough hook in my pretty green mixer. I got dough all over my hands because the hook doesn't quite get all the flour mixed in from the bottom, but it did all get mixed. If I had kneaded it by hand, I probably would have had to add more selmolina flour from the beginning rather than when I started rolling it out.

The picture's a little bit blurry. It took me a few tries to figure out how to handle the dough. It's really sticky! The package directions said to "lightly flour" the surface to roll it out. If by "lightly" they meant "over-generously" then I got it right!

I started out trying to use a knife to cut the strips and then I remembered the pizza cutter. Way easier! Now if I had a pasta machine to roll out the dough, that would have probably been even easier. Oma had a pasta roller, so in this respect I got to be more rustic!

Initially I was trying to keep the noodles all separated and spread out. This didn't last after a whole pin full fell off onto the sheet in a pile. Then I remembered that oma sprinkled the noodles rather than laying them out flat so I changed my approach.

I made the filling for this pie a couple days ago. I decided to unroll the pre-made pie dough and bake it while the pasta dough was resting. It didn't occur to me that I'd used all the eggs for the noodles so I couldn't glaze the lattice work on the top to make it all shiny.

A clean kitchen is a happy kitchen!

All of the noodles that my bag of bob's selmolina flour made. This should last a meal or two I hope. Who wants to be invited over for dinner?!

Sewing took a backseat today. I was debating about finishing the burp cloths I cut out last weekend (a few are folded under the iron) but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Noodles sounded way more exotic and exciting. 

Well, that wraps up my noodle adventure. I promised previously that I would post more pictures of sewing projects and since this is a photo post, I'll post a picture of the finished hoops that I made.

The pink/purple draped on the left is the nursing cover I made. I'm happy with how the hoops turned out!

Meeting Our Babies Needs

This week makes 30 weeks. I'm rather excited about this number. It's 10 weeks from my due date which means probably 11 or 12 weeks until we finally get to meet the alien that makes my belly jiggle. Besides nesting like crazy I've been trying to plan for when we finally go to the birth center.

I started to make a packing list of what to take with us. It's kind of difficult to plan on what to bring to an event you've never experienced before. Especially when most people have a much different experience when they go to a hospital. I got quite a few things written down that I'm sure will be essential like receiving blankets and diapers. I was going to start assembling things when I realized I don't have a diaper bag to put things in...or diapers. This had me realizing just how many things we still need.

I've had anxieties about baby stuff before like with the baby carrier and the crib. How were we going to get the kid home? Where was she going to sleep? Luckily we were able to buy these items so I don't have to be worried about them anymore. Now it's the little things that have me nervous.

It has been my experience that mothers at their baby showers are typically showered with stuff that is fun to buy when you're not having a baby yourself. This ends up being mainly clothes and blankets.

While clothes and blankets are useful, they are only a small part of the many things that we'll need when Charlotte makes her debut. I can't pump breast-milk into a receiving blanket and I can't bathe my kid with a pretty pink dress.

Better potty train extra early!

The reality of my working situation come summer has me worried as well. It's really nice that I'll be able to just be home without worrying about losing a job. The school year will be over so I can sub less, and my voice students know that I'll need at least a month off if not two. The problem is that this means no income on my part, and we haven't really been in a position to save for the rainy day we'll be experiencing. This makes us that much less capable of buying what we need for our baby. Sure I'll be home with her, but what good does it do me if I end up holding her over the toilet because I can't afford diapers anymore?

This has me feeling a combination of guilt and worry. We really do need help with the things that aren't so glamorous to buy. Things like diaper covers or breast feeding accessories. I feel like a jerk for wanting things our baby needs rather than what givers would prefer to buy for her. It's like wanting tires for your birthday. Everyone hates buying tires! But if you don't get them you're kind of screwed if you can't afford them yourself. I'm worried about going broke buying what we need after the baby shower. This has me feeling more guilty. The thought goes something like, "what business did you have getting pregnant if you couldn't afford all the crap you need to take care of your baby?! gifts are a blessing and you're lucky if you get anything at all!"

At least with our bridal registry it wasn't like we were being neglected if someone didn't buy us a le creuset pot or a dyson vacuum. Obviously we've survived. I just hope this turns out the same.

Historical Housewife

For some reason today I felt like it was necessary for me to live out the daily life of a 50's housewife - except for in 2011. I ran some loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, did some minor vacuuming, sewed a burp cloth, paid the bills, taught a voice lesson, started a blueberry pie, made curry chicken salad, cooked dinner, and groomed the cat. My butt hurts. Really really really hurts. I am currently sitting on a heating pad.

I was thinking about how these household chores, although the same, are so different from how my mother and grandmothers did them. Laundry probably took me half the time it did my mom. Where my grandma would have hand washed dishes with rubber gloves so she could get the water hot enough to cut through the grease, I just put my dishes in my energy efficient dishwasher. My mom would have pulled out a 20 pound mostly metal vacuum to vacuum her house. My carpets weren't too bad so I just went over them with the swiffer carpet flick. It probably weighs less than 5 pounds. I paid my bills online. My foremothers would have had to mail checks or money orders days in advance. Dinner was a frozen bag of pasta and shrimp that I just had to heat up to eat on the stove, a meal that not only could my grandmothers not afford (even though it was around $10 for two bags) but would have had to make from scratch which would have taken hours.

There seems to be a new trend to live more like our grandmothers did it seems. I've noticed more people cooking from scratch, cleaning with more basic cleaners, and pushing to be more simple. What I find really interesting is that my choices for mothering are probably closer to my grandmothers than to my peers. I'm having an unmedicated childbirth with a midwife, something that was fairly common in the 50's. I'll be breastfeeding and wearing my baby in a sling or wrap. I remember my grandma carrying me around in a baby sling. Most women in the 80's breastfed, all women did in the 50's. My mom and grandmothers used cloth diapers. They made their own baby food and had wooden toys for their kids. I just find it interesting that even though I'm "so different" from many women having their babies today, I'm in fact much more traditional than I initially thought. It's kind of a cool to feel like I have so much in common with the women who came before me.

Now I'm going to attempt to make homemade pasta and finish baking my pie with blueberries I picked myself last summer. Yeah!

Sewing Storm!

The completed finished quilt! Started in November and completed in March.
The majority is hand quilted and sewn. I'm so proud of my first quilt!

Hoop circle construction.

 The last few days I've been sewing up a frenzy. I finally finished my quilt which took months. This combined with a cold and no motivation to work has left me with a list of sewing projects. I think I may be nesting a bit too since I know for sure now that we will be living in our apartment when the baby comes.

lopsided and uneven = homemade

So far besides the quilt and a sling carrier, I've made fabric pocket circles to hang on the wall (pictures of completed project to come), a nursing cover, and a couple of burp cloths. I'm not thrilled so far with how the burp cloths have turned out but the nursing cover is better than I expected (pictures to come of this too). Perhaps I need to look up some patterns instead of free-forming on the burp cloths. Unlike knitting, I think I'm still too new to sewing to make my own patterns. I still have on my list several more burp rags, a couple of hooded towels and perhaps a second nursing cover to put in the diaper bag. I still have quite a bit of fabric left too so I've been trying to think of more projects that I can make and use. I just don't want stuff that I spent hours making that I end up not using.

My dead monkey. He wouldn't have
made it anyway with no limbs.

On another note, last Sunday I went to an 8 hour cpr and first aid training class. Another time/money/travel expense required by Washougal. I figured that since I had already signed up for the class and paid for it I would go and do the infant and children training - I was originally signed up for adult training since that was who I'd be around for teaching. I'm glad I went now because I feel much better about handling an emergency with our baby should one arise. I also found out some really valuable information. For instance: did you know that emergency services can't track your location to your cell phone? They can if you have a land line, but nobody uses those anymore. So if your kid uses your cell to call for an emergency at home and doesn't know the address, the dispatcher won't know where to send the ambulance etc... What you can do to avoid this problem is to call the non-emergency line for your county police or sheriff and have them link your number(s) to your address. If I gained nothing else from this class I'm glad I know this at least.

I was reading on a babycenter forum yesterday about what people wore during their labor. I've kind of thought about this since waterbirth is a bit more unconventional and they don't do hospital gowns at the birth center. Many of the natural birthers (called nucb or natural unmedicated child birth) said that they ended up naked and many of them said they had hoped to stay at least partially clothed. I've decided I don't want video of the birth, but I do want pictures and I have a wonderful friend that I would really love to have do it. That said, since I'm having pictures taken I want to be able to show at least some of them to friends and family and I really don't want to show my naked boobs to my grandmother - or anyone for that matter.
I think the outfit that appealed to me most was a sarong and sports bra. I figure this way it would be easy to get dressed and undressed should I get in and out of the water and my boobs would stay covered. Yay for no boobs in the pictures! I started looking online to see what sarongs I could find and my favorite so far is a green one with a big orchid on it. I already have a sports bra that matches even! I think I may check a few stores to see if I can find something I don't have to pay shipping on first, but I like this one.

Well this has proven to be a ridiculously long post so I will wrap it up with my sentiments about being very excited for my first prenatal class tonight!

Holy Clothes!

I found another hole in one of my maternity shirts yesterday. I am appalled at how poorly made maternity clothes are. I have found holes in nearly everything I've been wearing. I found a hole in the middle of the butt of my gray velour lounge pants! It's not even on a seam! I'm very annoyed.

I had another prenatal appointment yesterday. My midwife instructed me to drink a boatload of water every day. This is going to be difficult to do, but I'll try. I'm getting fat enough and I had a gestational diabetes test done. I was excited because I have appointments every two weeks instead of every month now. We also start our prenatal classes next week and they gave me a list of questions to answer to construct my birth plan. I spent some time thinking about them and writing my answers down. It's exciting to be getting closer to the finish line - or the starting line I suppose depending on how you look at it.

The job front is a bit of a let down. It sounds like the teacher is going to be able to resume her job leaving me back where I was and a bit poorer for wear. It sucks that I had to spend so much money, time and gas getting fingerprinted, processed and educated enough to their liking to get a job that I didn't even really get to do. I feel horribly guilty for having to abandon the kids after telling them that I would be there, but what the hell can I do? At least I will be less stressed out and have my days back to myself again even if doing nothing is not very stimulating or gratifying. I found myself trying not to cry about it when I was subbing at another school yesterday. Yet another choir program that I won't ever get to be the teacher of. Another group of kids that recognize me but don't remember my name.

The hardest part of this was the glimmer of hope that has yet again been snatched away from me. I was finally able to visualize my own program with the knowledge that it was really mine. I was going to conduct concerts and take the kids to choir festivals. I was going to have a small tour to recruit from the middle and elementary schools. I learned the kids names and had written a weeks worth of lesson plans. We had extra rehearsals and meetings planned to prepare for a choir tour. And now it's all gone.

It feels like losing a baby that you're going to adopt that you haven't met yet. You become so attached to them because they will be your responsibility and you are going to do so many things with them and learn and grow when you finally meet them, but then they're given away to someone else and you never get to meet them and you'll never know what kind of joys and challenges they could have brought to your life. It hurts to lose them. It hurts to have done everything to prepare for their arrival and then to have a house full of things that you'll never use.

I guess it's time to move on yet again.