Pre Potty Training

I'm always finding myself in this limbo state with parenting where I feel like I'm either completely incompetent or a total over-achiever. I remember this one time I got a job at a call center and had to go through some rounds of testing so they could keep records of my skill levels. I took a typing test where I had recorded my score and then improved upon it. I told the lady administering the tests that I had improved on my score and I wasn't sure if they'd want to record it. She told me I didn't need to be a showboat. This has always bothered me. 

On one hand, yeah, perhaps I should learn better not to get cocky. On the other hand, this was a rather remedial job and I thought at the time that perhaps I should put myself out there in case there was some chance that they'd want to put me in a job that was more suitable to my skill level. I ended up quitting after two weeks! 

This is the sort of tension I feel with parenting. I'm exceedingly proud of Charlotte and how engaging and intelligent she is. I'm happy to get compliments and I love that people enjoy her. But I feel like I'm always trying to downplay what I like about her to keep from being obnoxious. And then there are times when she's returned to me by strangers because she's wandered off without my noticing. 

Lately I've been contemplating potty training and I keep going back and forth with whether I should even be thinking about it or not. Charlotte is only 13 months old. I am well aware that she is not ready. However she is rather smart, and the reality is that she's very far developed for a 13-month-old. From what I've gathered so far, these are the skills that will make potty training successful:

1. the ability to signal when she needs to use the toilet - verbally or with a sign
2. the ability to understand what I mean when I ask if she has to go
3. the ability to recognize when she's being rewarded
4. the ability to do the motor functions - pulling her pants up and down, ripping off toilet paper, holding her hands under the water faucet

Right now she can just barely do the first thing, and we're still working on her knowing what "poop poop" actually is rather than mimicking it when I say it.  I keep having this sneaking suspicion that there are things I could be doing now with her though. 

What I've found with many of the articles and blogs I've read is that potty training is a nuisance for parents and a traumatic experience for the kid. Everything starts out with "are you ready?" as in, "brace yourself, this is going to seriously suck." My gut has been telling me that it doesn't have to be that way. I'm actually rather eager to get started.

A few days ago I read this blog and so many of the things I was doing intuitively were put into words! It suggests associating a word or phrase with bowel movements (we have already been saying "poop poop"), letting your baby watch you use the bathroom (she follows me into the bathroom whether I want her to or not), having a potty or potty seat around before you start to use it, having your baby sit in the potty or potty seat when they go if you happen to catch them, and having your baby go diaper free. It also gives a great explanation for why to do these five things and how they will help later on. 

We still have a few months yet before we're ready to start hard core potty training. But I think it can be a far more casual and gradual experience than what so many "experts" would lead you to believe. And perhaps I'm being overzealous, and sure it would be cool to say that my child was out of diapers before 2 years old, but I'm not trying to win any awards here. I'm just really looking forward to when I don't have to change diapers anymore!

13 Months Going on 2 Years

For the last week we've been battling a case of rosalea with Charlotte. At first we had no clue what was going on with her. She had a high fever for about 3 days and wouldn't eat hardly anything. When a rash broke out the fifth day we were sure she had chicken pox and I made an appointment to take her to the pediatrician. The doctor told me she had rosalia, which I guess isn't uncommon.
Yesterday her rash started to clear up some, but boy was she cranky and today she's feeling much better I think.

Now we have a whole new set of issues to contend with. Our little 1-year-old is going through her terrible twos already. She gets really angry and screams when she can't do something easily, she hits when we take something away from her or tell her no. And she's always testing us! Last night at Caitlin and Colin's she looked Caitlin in the eye as she slowly reached for her candle sticks as Caitlin told her not to.

So far we've been trying to put her in time out in her crib when she's having her tantrums, but it doesn't seem to be making the impression that it should. I'm going to have to do some research and find some resources for parenting approaches. This is not a kid that is going to take no for an answer, and I don't want to beat her or break her inquisitive spirit. I have my work cut out for me.

In Car Sprinkler

Today was a day for sprinklers. After a nice lunch with Caitlin, Charlotte and I made our way to the play area at the mall. This is turning into a favorite for her. The big kids love following her around and she loves the attention. She also loves to escape out the opening and down the mall. It's always fun being the mom chasing her toddler in public.

At any rate, Charlotte ran around quite a bit and came over to me saying "juice" and I realized I didn't bring any fresh juice. I felt bad for not having anything for her. After she started making a beeline for the entrance every time I retrieved her I knew she was ready to go. When I got to the car I searched the clutter to see what I could give her since she was thirsty. I managed to find my empty camelback water bottle and a bottle of perrier from Kaiti and Clem's wedding last weekend. I put the perrier in the camelback and gave it to her before I got in the driver seat to drive home.

I have one of those mirrors in the back so I can see Charlotte in her seat and she was having a jolly time trying to figure out how to drink from the camelback. I was surprised to see that she was actually getting some of the perrier out of the sip top. Next thing I know I'm driving along on Sunnyside Road and I get sprayed with water! Apparently the fizzy water was building up pressure and whenever she'd pinch the mouthpiece it would shoot out. Thus the in-car sprinkler.

When we got home she napped awhile and then after coating herself in strawberry juice I decided to strip her naked and take her out to her heated kiddie pool (I filled it yesterday and it spent the day in the sun) She was thrilled to have bath temp water in her pool. I thought it was too warm so I pulled the sprinkler over so she could cool off a bit. Unfortunately Charlotte seems to hate the sprinkler. I had to retrieve her from the other end of the yard several times (kind of like the mall...). I must admit though, naked wet baby covered in grass squealing in delight as mommy chases her around the yard is pretty amusing!

Wonderful Woeful Ones

Whoever coined the phrase "terrible twos" probably had a child like mine at two. I imagine when Charlotte gets to be two, unless I can somehow figure out the key to keeping her happy, one is probably going to seem like a cake walk. However, I've decided that one comes with its own set of challenges.

I took Charlotte to her 12-month pediatrician appointment yesterday. Her doctor said she was plenty healthy and was really happy with her recent growth spurt. Her development is months ahead as are her teeth. She's getting in her molars. Molars paired with two booster vaccines seems to have created a monster. We spent the entire evening with Jekyll and Hyde. One minute we had a very sweet fun-loving little girl that wants to play with toys or read books, the next we have a meltdown of fake crying and pouting.

One of my major issues right now is food. We've pretty much completely weened mostly just because I think we've both had enough breastfeeding. So now she gets cows milk and a host of solids. I wanted to be one of those moms who does lots of research and carefully introduces foods into her diet. I wanted to make her baby food and freeze it. I wanted her to eat only organic produce and dairy. But I live in the real world. In this real world my baby is obsessed with berries, bananas, and crackers - so much so that she will not eat anything else.

I expected there to be a round of picky eating, but I didn't expect it to be this early. I spent the better part of an hour trying to force feed my baby avocados after she had seen strawberries that she would have happily eaten instead. She used to scarf down avocados! I was so proud! What happened?!

Another advanced skill that my dear child has started learning is "no". You yell at her "no" she yells right back with the same intensity and inflection. She thinks this is quite funny actually. When I take something away from her that she's grabbed, she gives me a defiant looks and grabs at it even harder.

Dr. Sears books talk about babies and how they need their mommies. He talks about how babies don't have the capacity to manipulate, they just want what they need. My baby isn't a baby anymore. This baby manipulates. This baby is willful and stubborn. This baby is just like her mother! The fussy baby book gave me so much hope and direction with my "high-needs child". But now that I have a high-personality toddler I feel like I need a new instruction manual.

We've tried time-outs for things like playing in the dogs water dish and hitting. The problem is that she waits until you get up and walk toward her after you've warned her to start running away. She doesn't stop with the warning. I know she knows she's in trouble, the problem is that she doesn't care!

I have to admit having a toddler with so much energy does have it's pros. Charlotte never goes unnoticed and she's always happy to flirt and entertain. It's fun watching her play with bigger kids at the playground and I like that I can be pretty rough with her and not hurt her. She's a tough little thing and she melts my heart at the same time. It's just those times when she's shaking my entire laptop desk to get a rise out of me because I wouldn't give her strawberries that I have to wonder if the terrible twos perhaps arrived a year early.

Epic Mom Update

I don't know how I manage to get myself so busy. I feel like I have to compartmentalize and yet even in doing that everything just bleeds together. Charlotte's first birthday is in two weeks. I feel the need to take this opportunity to gain some perspective. A year ago, I was in a very crowded one bedroom apartment, it was probably hot like it's been lately, and I was huge and extremely uncomfortable. I guess not much has changed other than instead of being in a cramped one bedroom apartment, I'm not in a cramped 3 bedroom house. 

Every night I nurse my baby when she wakes up and every night I imagine what it will be like to nurse her in her own bedroom rather than on the living room couch with fleas jumping on my ankles. Lately we've been really trying to get some money paid on our debt so we have fewer bills after we buy our house. The problem as that paying down debt makes me feel so stagnant. Our savings hasn't grown in two months. And the bigger problem is that no matter how many credit cards we pay off, it pales in the face of my student loans. Sallie Mae is now my leeching sibling who requires mass amounts of money every month and calls me several times a day when I cut her off. Bitch.

Charlotte is developing like a boss. I have such a hard time knowing how to react to her interactions with other people. Most everyone loves her and when she walks up to strangers and waves I feel all proud of her for being so cute. But every once in awhile she fails to charm and then I feel bad that I let her pester them. I feel guilty when she's around other babies that are twice her size and far less engaging. I can't help but love that my baby tends to be the center of attention being the extrovert that I am. There, I admitted it. Now you will all see through my attempt at modesty. 

With Charlotte's birthday coming up I've been a bit more over-the-top with the planning than I probably should be. I can't help myself, I've never thrown a first birthday party and it's really fun and exciting, especially when it's rainbow themed! So far, I've made a cake to work out any kinks I might encounter. Typically when I attempt something that seems so complex it turns out kind of messy. The cake turned out great though and I think with a few tweaks it will be really tasty. I also couldn't resist sewing a rainbow dress for her. I was just going to put her in her clothes that happened to be rainbow colored, but I was at the fabric store and I got this great idea and...that's kind of how I end up being so busy all the time. Anyway, I'm using fabric quilt quarters to make a sort of handkerchief dress. Considering how much work her quilt was, this isn't so bad. 

Mommying is getting to be more manageable and enjoyable now that I'm finally getting sleep. We finally seem to have a schedule down that affords me about 5-6 hours of solid sleep. It helps that Charlottes getting better at expressing what she wants and her digestive issues are getting far better. She rarely spits up anymore, I only nurse her once at night, she eats mostly things that I can find when we're out and about so it's not too hard to feed her and keep her happy. I'm going to try out the ergo carrier to see if I can't fix her requiring so much attention whenever I'm in the kitchen. I'd say the biggest obstacles we have left are that she likes to get into the dogs dishes and dump all the water all over the floor, and that she likes to pull everything off the end tables and laptop desks...which means glasses of water, bowls of food, and generally things that make messes or could cause bodily harm. Other than that, I'm finally starting to love being the mom. It's kind of nice to have reached this zen!

Back to Normal?

I realize now I haven't posted in a very long time. The truth is that I've been really busy. Like, crazy busy. I can break down my major time consumers (besides being mom) into a pretty simple list:

1. teaching at Wilson
2. teaching at Putnam
3. class reunion planning
4. wedding planning
5. singing

Putnam is my newest venture and has been the most consuming of my time and energy lately. This wouldn't be much of an issue normally but it's thrown an childcare kink into the mix. At Wilson I teach after school and I have wonderful girls that watch Charlotte so I can take her with me. I'm sure there would be wonderful girls to watch her at Putnam but I teach there during the day. This means Charlotte has to be home. Which means that so does someone else. The cheapest option is Paul. If he's on swing or graveyard shift it isn't too difficult for him to watch her until I get home. They days I go to Wilson get long though.

On Wilson days, I get to Putnam at 8:30am, leave round 11:30 to go home, eat lunch, pack up and then go to Wilson from 2 until between 5:30 and 7 depending on the day. This is quite a bit of car time for baby. Throw into this mix that we've started down the path of weening and that Charlotte is fully bi-pedal and we have a pretty cranky kid.

The good news is that it's actually better than I expected. Walking is a blessing in disguise. She's finally able to wear herself out. Her napping has been better (the days we actually do manage to get a routine) and her sleep at night is starting to get better (we usually get up with her 3 times a night instead of 5+). She's eating better and we're not in the midst of any illness or teething. It's quite pleasant really. With her able to drink juice and eat more solids I've been trying to cut the nursing down to before bed and first thing in the morning. This doesn't always fly with her, and with my being so much busier than usual she's been extra clingy. Like, screams at the top of her lungs when I leave the room clingy. But I do nurse her far less than I did before. I finally feel like I'm starting to get my body and my life back. I just hope that we can all keep up!

Sick Baby

Of all the things I've had to deal with, this is probably the hardest. I'm on the verge of packing a bag and moving to Europe. Okay maybe I won't do something that drastic.

Thursday night Charlotte started showing cold symptoms that I just chalked up to teething. After a rough night that included an overly soaked diaper, Friday and Saturday have been a roller coaster of coughing, severe diaper rash, an eternally runny nose, resistance to sleep, and drooling that would rival the big bad wolf. All this coupled with helping my brother-in-law move in the midst of an emotionally wrenching divorce, hearing about a friend who was shot in his car, and reeling from financial strain has made life almost unlivable.

So it's no surprise that Charlotte's cold is turning into our cold. Currently she is pulling tissues one at a time out of the tissue box and throwing them off the couch. Normally I would stop her, but this is preventing her from screaming in my ear or thrashing at my boobs or hitting me in the face or scratching me...so we're just going to have a big tissue mess.

I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow. Whatever it is that she has, I hope they can make it go away. It was hard before. This is just damn impossible.