Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Epic Mom Update

I don't know how I manage to get myself so busy. I feel like I have to compartmentalize and yet even in doing that everything just bleeds together. Charlotte's first birthday is in two weeks. I feel the need to take this opportunity to gain some perspective. A year ago, I was in a very crowded one bedroom apartment, it was probably hot like it's been lately, and I was huge and extremely uncomfortable. I guess not much has changed other than instead of being in a cramped one bedroom apartment, I'm not in a cramped 3 bedroom house. 

Every night I nurse my baby when she wakes up and every night I imagine what it will be like to nurse her in her own bedroom rather than on the living room couch with fleas jumping on my ankles. Lately we've been really trying to get some money paid on our debt so we have fewer bills after we buy our house. The problem as that paying down debt makes me feel so stagnant. Our savings hasn't grown in two months. And the bigger problem is that no matter how many credit cards we pay off, it pales in the face of my student loans. Sallie Mae is now my leeching sibling who requires mass amounts of money every month and calls me several times a day when I cut her off. Bitch.

Charlotte is developing like a boss. I have such a hard time knowing how to react to her interactions with other people. Most everyone loves her and when she walks up to strangers and waves I feel all proud of her for being so cute. But every once in awhile she fails to charm and then I feel bad that I let her pester them. I feel guilty when she's around other babies that are twice her size and far less engaging. I can't help but love that my baby tends to be the center of attention being the extrovert that I am. There, I admitted it. Now you will all see through my attempt at modesty. 

With Charlotte's birthday coming up I've been a bit more over-the-top with the planning than I probably should be. I can't help myself, I've never thrown a first birthday party and it's really fun and exciting, especially when it's rainbow themed! So far, I've made a cake to work out any kinks I might encounter. Typically when I attempt something that seems so complex it turns out kind of messy. The cake turned out great though and I think with a few tweaks it will be really tasty. I also couldn't resist sewing a rainbow dress for her. I was just going to put her in her clothes that happened to be rainbow colored, but I was at the fabric store and I got this great idea and...that's kind of how I end up being so busy all the time. Anyway, I'm using fabric quilt quarters to make a sort of handkerchief dress. Considering how much work her quilt was, this isn't so bad. 

Mommying is getting to be more manageable and enjoyable now that I'm finally getting sleep. We finally seem to have a schedule down that affords me about 5-6 hours of solid sleep. It helps that Charlottes getting better at expressing what she wants and her digestive issues are getting far better. She rarely spits up anymore, I only nurse her once at night, she eats mostly things that I can find when we're out and about so it's not too hard to feed her and keep her happy. I'm going to try out the ergo carrier to see if I can't fix her requiring so much attention whenever I'm in the kitchen. I'd say the biggest obstacles we have left are that she likes to get into the dogs dishes and dump all the water all over the floor, and that she likes to pull everything off the end tables and laptop desks...which means glasses of water, bowls of food, and generally things that make messes or could cause bodily harm. Other than that, I'm finally starting to love being the mom. It's kind of nice to have reached this zen!