1 Week

Today was a busy day for us. Charlotte had her first bath outside of the tub. We took a video for Paul's parents since they won't be able to come see her until August. The Puj tub we bought on craigslist is way cool. It fits into any sink and it's way squishy so she was pretty comfortable. As soon as I pulled her out of the tub she pooped on the towel and it dripped on my foot. Luckily I hadn't drained the sink yet so I washed her off again.

We took her to Yuen Lui where we had some pictures done. I had bought a groupon quite awhile ago. She was wide awake for the pictures, but it was a rather messy affair. She managed to spit up on her dress, then when we got her out of her clothes she peed on me. While they were changing out the backgrounds she pooped on me too. I feel like a mom now! I wasn't terribly thrilled with the photos, so I'm glad we had a coupon. Even the one we chose I wished had been a little better, but I guess it's the best you can do with an alert newborn. Perhaps I will try to get some studio quality photos while she's sleeping later.

After pictures we grabbed lunch and took her to her 1 week appointment at Andaluz. It was so nice going back. It's one of my favorite places to be! They weighed her and found that she's at 7 lbs 1 oz now, so she's gained about 2 oz a day since last Friday. Basically, she's thriving. They also took her footprints (not her favorite activity) and gave us a birth card along with a hand-made blanket. It's a way cute blanket.

It's amazing to think that it's been a whole week already. Two weeks ago I was pregnant still. 1 week ago was her birthday. It's crazy how fast it goes! In the meantime I'm trying to take lots of pictures and videos and enjoying every moment with her - even if she's pooping on me!

My Natural Unmedicated Childbirth!

Charlotte Rose Goshorn
Born, June 21st 2011
7lbs, 6oz

Well, the long awaited post is here! Charlotte is currently sleeping on my chest in the moby wrap after a big breakfast on both our parts. It's been a long few days, but I think we're finding our stride and finally getting some decent sleep.

So here's the incredibly detailed super long story!

I'd say it started Sunday. I went to my parents for the day to play with my sisters new kitten. As I've posted previously, pregnancy had worn out its welcome and I had been doing everything I could think of to try to get it to leave. The kitten definitely helped me feel better. Paul and I got home and decided to go for a walk. We walked about a mile round trip to Fred Meyer where we shared a rainbow jello parfait.
Sleep that night was really limited. I fell asleep really late, woke up several times, and ended up getting up after about 5 hours. My mom called and wanted to know if I wanted to come over to play with the kitten again. She picked me up about 8 and we went back to her house where we collected my popi and took him to get his blood test.

After Popi's blood test we went to McDonalds and had a big breakfast. before we went back to the house. I took a nap and then gave the kitten a flea bath. Around 10 I lost my mucus plug. I actually wasn't sure if this is what it was because I had expected something different. I texted my midwife, Dana, and told her I thought maybe my water broke, but I wasn't sure. She texted me some instructions for what to do and told me to keep her posted.

I spent the rest of the afternoon napping and playing with the kitten. I had a few cramps here and there, but nothing really noticeable. My mom suggested we go to the store to get stuff for dinner, so Popi and I followed her around Safeway like a couple of sheep. Walking at this point was really tiring. My hips and lower back were achey and I was really tired. I think I took another nap when we got back home.
Paul, my sister and my dad got to the house around 5:30 and about 6 we sat down outside for dinner. My brother randomly came by as well. We were dishing up our food and chatting when I felt my water break. I looked up wide eyed and ran to the bathroom.

When I came back out I was giddy with excitement. Finally! A substantial sign! We ate dinner and I started to have some cramps, but they were not terribly bad and pretty random. I texted Dana again to let her know and she gave me some more instructions. I was eager to get home to make banana bread (this was my labor project and I wanted to take it for the midwives) and take a shower, so we packed up and made our way home. Paul needed to go to the store for something so I got straight to work cleaning the kitchen and getting banana bread made having more cramps all the while.

As soon as I got the bread in the oven to bake, I took a shower. For some reason I had it in my head that I needed to have nice hair for when people took pictures. I showered and got into some loose comfortable clothes about when Paul got back from the store. At this point the cramps started to be stronger and more frequent. We sat down with a package of oreos to watch the King's Speech about 9:30. The contractions were frequent enough that Paul started using the contraction calculator. I was able to breath through them and continue watching the movie for probably an hour, making frequent trips to the toilet. Then the contractions really started to pick up.

I feel the need to describe what a contraction actually felt like. Menstrual cramps are the closest feeling I think. After weeks of braxton hicks contractions where my belly got really hard, I had expected them to be more like that. Instead the pain was very broad and low in my pelvis, not really sharp. Each contraction felt like a dimmer light. It was pretty dim at first and then it would gradually grow more bright and intense for awhile and then dim back down again to nothing.

I couldn't stay in one place anymore and I started having to moan through the contractions. I kept cycling between the bathroom, the couch and the balance ball with Paul trailing behind me to help me through them and to keep them timed. Then breathing and moaning stopped being effective and we gave up trying to finish the movie.

Probably around 11 I had Paul give me an update on the contractions calculator. They were a minute long on average, about two minutes apart for about 45 minutes to an hour. I texted Dana to tell her. She said to take a bath and to try to get some sleep. I got in the tub and told Paul that I was so glad that I had a bigger one to look forward to rather than an epidural and a night on my back! The bath didn't help the contractions slow down at all and I was getting frustrated and really exhausted so I got out and tried to lay in the bed.

I tried to stay in bed through a few contractions and got frustrated knowing I couldn't sleep. I started to cry because I was so incredibly tired. I even felt myself doze a bit between each one. I got up and went to the living room where I ended up on all fours on the floor. Paul had to rush to get me a bowl before I threw up. Around midnight he asked if I wanted to call Dana.

I did want to call, but I also felt like it couldn't be happening this fast and I didn't want to endure a car ride only to be sent home. Paul called her anyway and told her what was happening. He asked if I wanted to go in. I really wanted to go in, but I hesitated a bit and finally nodded that yes I did want to go in. Dana told Paul and her apprentice, Nicole, would meet us there in about 45 minutes.
I was so happy knowing I would be getting in the big tub soon. Paul started getting our things together to put in the car while I tracked my contractions on his phone. I knew we couldn't leave for another half an hour and thankfully the gap between the contractions was a little longer for awhile. Finally we were able to leave. Paul helped me get out to the car. At this point I was pretty loud. I tried to breathe through the contraction I had walking out so I wouldn't yell and wake up the neighbors.

The car ride was about 15 minutes but it felt like 5. We pulled into the parking lot at the center right as Nicole did. I had another contraction walking in to the birth center. I sat on the couch in the lobby moaning through my contractions as she rushed around getting our room set up. I made my way into the room and was so happy to see the water running into the tub.

She checked my pulse and my blood pressure and then used a doppler to track the baby's heartbeat. It felt like it took forever because it was hard to find it and then she had to start over after each contraction. I labored a little longer as Nicole finished checking everything and I felt more fluid come through. I ran to the bathroom so I could sit on the toilet but ended up getting sick instead. I remember feeling guilty for making such a mess in their pretty bathroom. Finally I was able to get into the tub.

It felt so good to be in the water and really took the edge off of the contractions, but it still really really hurt. It wasn't long before I started feeling the urge to push. Nicole suggested I not bear down as hard yet  and had me reposition myself so that my legs weren't flailing in the water. She told me Dana was on her way. I wanted to wait for her to get there because I couldn't have my baby without Dana there! A few minutes later Dana arrived. I was so happy to see her and I woke up from my trance long enough to smile and tell her so. Not long after my other midwife's apprentice, Jules, got there. Then the urge to push really started to pick up.

After probably half an hour Dana suggested I get out of the tub to help my pushes be more productive. I knew she was right but I didn't want to move and ruin all the work I'd already done. I was getting so tired and frustrated that I finally started to get up and move. I ended up squatting in the tub with Paul holding me up while I pushed. Then I worked my way out of the tub. I made it two steps toward the bed before I braced my arms on the bed and continued pushing. Then I lowered myself into a squat and the pushes started to get really hard. I knew the screaming I was doing was going to ruin my voice but I didn't care, I wanted her out!! They helped me sit on a birth stool so I wouldn't kill my legs and I finally started to feel her head move down.

I pushed and pushed and they told me they could see her head. I was so relieved to see the end in sight that I really started to bear down. Then I felt the "ring of fire" when her head finally crowned. Up until this point the pain was a pretty throbbing broad pain. This pain, which I knew would happen, was sharp and acute. I didn't expect it to last as long as it did. I pushed several times as hard as I could hoping it would stop if I really worked hard but it wasn't stopping. I started to get really upset and didn't want to try anymore because I was so exhausted and it was taking too long! Then they showed me her head in the mirror and I knew I could do it. I really bore down and pushed and pushed and finally felt the relief of her head come through followed by her cry. A few pushes later I felt her shoulders come through as
Dana and Paul lifted her to my chest. It was about 3:22 am.

They helped me get off the birth stool and lay down on the floor. Her umbilical cord wasn't very long and I couldn't pull her up very high. It hurt to have it tight against my vagina and I just wanted to deliver the placenta so the cord wasn't pulling anymore. It took about ten minutes before it finally came out. In the meantime everyone was running around the room cleaning up and checking things. I don't know how much time passed before the took the baby to clean her off and check her apgar scores. Then they gave her to Paul.

He held her while they helped me get up into the bed. I was so dizzy and drained. They gave me a tincture to help with the dizzyness and got me into the bed. Everything was so hazy and I felt like I was asleep and awake at the same time. They gave me the baby and helped us get situated while they finished cleaning everything. Dana helped my get her to latch and try to eat a little bit before we went to sleep. Then they said their goodbyes and we were left in the bed. It felt so still and odd after such a flurry of activity. I was a bit dazed and confused. I hadn't expected them to leave her in the bed with us and I didn't know what to do. So I went with it and tried to sleep.


Charlotte was very vocal. She cried and chattered for hours. She was even chattering in her sleep. I slept restlessly for a few hours and woke up to find Nicole checking her to make sure she was okay. Paul was concerned with how much noise she was making and was worried she was in pain. Nicole said she was fine and just really needed to tell us everything that had happened to her. I slept a little longer after that and we got up around 8 to eat breakfast.

The next day was so long and short at the same time. We worked on breast feeding several times throughout the day with little success. My mom and Popi visited us around 1, then a massage therapist came and gave me a massage. I was surprised at how awake and energized I felt after so much work and so little sleep. My dad and sister came to visit after that. We ordered dinner from Chevy's and ate before I took a sitz bath. I was so excited to get in the tub with Charlotte. She'd been pretty fussy all day having had little success with breast feeding. She was fussy before we got in the tub but I figured the water would help. Instead she fussed and cried in the water so I pulled her to my chest where she proceeded to poo all over me. It was a short bath.

We watched some daily show on hulu and then went to bed. She woke up around 2:30 to try to eat again, and we had no luck. It didn't work very well at 4:30 either. Around 6:30 we woke up and tried again. I got her to feed pretty well and then she was bright eyed and awake for an hour or so. I felt pretty good so I walked around the birth center with her. No one was around and I was kind of sad that no one could enjoy her good mood with me.

About 7:30 the post-partum care ladies switched shifts. We said goodbye to Pippa and hello to Heather. Heather made me some oatmeal and fruit which I ate while Paul slept. I tried to feed her again, but she wasn't latching as well as she had earlier that morning. Around 11:30 the stream of visitors started to come. Sadly Charlotte was fussy from not being able to eat properly but she did sleep long enough for lots of people to hold her. My parents and sister came around 2 when I was trying to feed her again with some help from Heather. It just wasn't working so she got another midwife to come in and try to help me. I ended up crying from frustration while the midwife helped me calm her down.

I took a nap and my family left. When I woke up I started crying uncontrollably. Paul rubbed my neck and shoulders with some Arnica cream because I was really sore. More visitors came in the evening ending with my brother and his girlfriend around 10.

After they left we decided to attempt another bath. It still didn't go very well, but lasted a bit longer than the previous one. Charlotte woke up twice in the night to eat with little success. The next morning I woke up shivering and shaking. My stomach felt like it had sunk (that ucky hangover sour stomach feeling) and I couldn't get warm. I cried uncontrollably while I tried to get warm in the chair. Heather came to check on me to make sure I was okay. I managed to rest in the chair while she got me a ton of food for breakfast. (see Facebook Status ha!) I rested and tried to feed Charlotte, again with little success, while Paul started to get us packed up and ready to go home.

Heather and Pippa switched shifts again and Pippa came in to start doing the discharge process with us. She went over post-partum stuff for me and newborn stuff for the baby and then checked my blood pressure, pulse, and uterus. I napped a bit after that. I woke up to find Pippa and Paul doing the checkout stuff for Charlotte. She'd lost 10 oz. in the last two days, a fairly normal amount. We got her dressed and put in the car seat while we gather the last remnants of our things to go home.

Dana knitted the little yellow
hat out of yarn from our birth
class. 

The air outside felt so good on my skin after being in our hot room for so long. I hadn't realized how warm and humid our room was without being able to open any windows. It was sunny and I thought it was a nice way to end our stay. Charlotte slept all the way home and some.

I am so proud of myself for doing this naturally. It was worth the lack of medication to see my baby girls big bright open eyes within hours of her being born. Since we've been home, Nicole has come to check on us and to make sure both baby and me are healthy and doing well. Charlotte lost a little more weight, but has been feeding really well now since we introduced nipple shields into the feeding equation. Andaluz was fan-frickin-tastic and everyone that visited was stunned by how incredibly nice the center was. The guidance and support of my midwife team and the post-partum team made this such a wonderful experience. I wouldn't have done it any other way!

Estimated Due Date Myths

I posted this on my baby center board this morning:

Tomorrow is my 40 week due date. I basically cry on a daily basis at this point because of how horribly uncomfortable I am ALL THE TIME. I've literally tried everything to get this baby out. Sex, walking, epo, red raspberry tea, insanely spicy food, pineapple, bumpy roads, accupressure, chiropractor, excessive nipple stimulation etc... basically I've learned that she's not coming out until she's good and ready and these things really just make me more crabby and uncomfortable. Especially the spicy food.

I've read other threads that people have posted about being past their due date and everyone helpfully suggests "get a massage, go for a walk, watch a movie etc.." I do these things and some. I try to keep myself busy and distracted. But these things are so temporary. 

Yesterday I found the cure! Kittens. I spent the entire day yesterday playing with and cuddling my sisters new kitten and for one day, I didn't think about the labor I was not in. 

So if you're miserable and in pain and nearly every activity sounds stupid and labor pain sounds like pure joy, go find a kitten. 

I have gotten quite a few responses. Most of the responses have been about how amusing this is. But then someone posted this awesome article.

The Lie of the Estimated Due Date

So, fellow preggers, if you get to your "edd" this might make you feel better because it certainly makes me feel better.

Someone else also said that they had heard in their birth class that warm fuzzy feelings can trigger the release of oxytocin which is the hormone that causes contractions. Kittens definitely give people warm fuzzy feelings. I guess we'll see if this works!

Distractions

Today's list to keep me from thinking about the baby I haven't had yet:

- Starbucks or Jamba Juice (haven't decided yet) because sugar keeps me happy
- Pedicure because I have a free one and it takes lots of time
- Lactation class because I haven't learned how to lactate yet
- Selling an unworn wedding dress on craigslist because it's just a good idea

Hopefully this will keep me distracted enough today that I'm not annoyed and stressed out about being pregnant still. Tomorrow's agenda includes Red Robin.

39 weeks, 2 days

I woke up this morning after a good night's sleep and I feel like I have a new lease on life.

*tmi warning*

I had a really good pee after I got up. This is a significant event when you're pregnant. I usually have to pee every couple of hours and it feels like I drank 3 beers and a glass of water whenever I have to go, but then it ends up being barely a trickle. Having a good pee is probably one of the most satisfying things that can happen to me right now!

*tmi warning over*

Anyway, yes, I'm still pretty uncomfortable, and yes I really want this baby out. But today feels like a good day. I decided that as long as I still had at least two weeks to kill I would spend them doing things I didn't think I had time to do.

The first thing is more reading. I went to Powell's on Tuesday and picked up two fabulous books. The first is "Husband Coached Childbirth" written by Dr. Robert Bradley. He's the doctor that created the Bradley method of natural childbirth. This is one of the two most popular kinds of methods of natural birth, the second being hypnobirthing. You can take classes for either of these methods. I suck at meditation and I didn't want to put that much pressure on Paul to coach me so I just figured I'd stick to what we'd learned in our birth classes, but more learning never hurts right? I am so glad I got this book. Already I've learned a set of simple exercises that I can do that will help with the hip pain and swollen ankles I have already. It would have been nice if I'd been doing them weeks ago! I'm making Paul read it too. This is an absolute MUST if you are even considering an unmedicated birth.

The second book is "The Baby Book" by Dr William Sears and his wife Martha. This was sitting on the coffee table at the birth center before one of my appointments and I started thumbing through it and was sold. It has literally everything you ever wanted or needed to know about what to do with a baby. I was skimming through it yesterday when I read that you don't want to leave your baby swaddled tightly for long periods of time because it hinders the development of their hips since they can't kick their legs. I was prepared to be a swaddling pro since it's suppose to help with colic and had never heard this before. I'm really glad I read it now! Every time I pick it up I learn something new and significant.

By the end of the day today I'll probably get the last scarf finished. I've decided this is the thing that the baby's waiting for. She's considerate like that. I just have to wrap them and they'll be ready to go. I'm also going to spend some time on the baby book. I wrote a good amount of stuff in it when I bought it, but haven't really added much to it since. I'll probably put in the gift list from the shower and put in some pictures since I won't really want to do it later.

With all this stuff to preoccupy me, and because I'm having a good morning, I'm feeling pretty good about the wait ahead of me. Perhaps not being stressed about it is just the thing that my body needs to do its thing! *fingers crossed*

39 Weeks & So Over It

Well, today marks 39 weeks, and I knew it would get more and more uncomfortable but couldn't have predicted it would be like this. I assumed that I'd get to this point and just be eager to reach the finish line because I'd been waiting for it so long. But it's a bit more complex than that. A mix of physical discomfort, emotional distress, and the unpredictability of the future has me basically disabled right now.

First off, I'm super big so I only have a few things left that I can wear that cover my giant belly. I've taken to stealing Paul's t-shirts. What's most frustrating is that I manage to spill something on my front nearly every time I eat and with a limited wardrobe I can't really change my clothes that often. I get so angry when I spill on myself! My feet are swollen so my shoes don't fit so I'm limited to flip-flops. Bad shoes + swollen ankles = sore feet = sore hips = cranky me.

The weight of the dropped baby is entirely on my right hip. I can only walk about 10 minutes before I'm in pain. I didn't realize how much walking around stores by myself recharges me. Since I can't really walk, I've been missing out on my alone time and thus haven't been coping with added stress well. Since I don't have my coping system, I end up getting really moody or crying all over Paul.

Sunday night we went to get Cold Stone to help me feel better. I hadn't left the house all day so I thought the combo of sugar and getting out might help. Because my swollen ankles, dripping ice cream on my shirt, and the feeling of exhaustion I was nearly in tears by the time we got home so I decided to sit in our bed with my feet propped up. I ended up pulling one of the tendons that supports the uterus causing a huge amount of pain. My arms were shaky from trying to support my weight as I tried to get comfortable and I just burst into tears. Crying makes it worse because I can't breathe and end up hyperventilating. Paul rubbed my feet and got me water. I can't imagine this without him.

The threat of the future has me rather worried and scared as well. I'm not even worried about being a new parent. Honestly that's the thing I'm looking forward to most. What has me scared is the lack of two incomes for the next couple of months combined with our lease being up the end of August. I don't know how we're going to afford to move yet again, and as much as I love our apartment, we really can't afford to stay here. I started looking at some future living possibilities and applying to jobs that I may be able to do without having to put our baby in daycare. Still, having such huge factors unsettled has me losing sleep and feeling helpless to do anything about it.

It seems the one thing that best relief would be for me to get this baby out. I don't blame her for avoiding the outside world when it seems to be causing so much stress to her warm cushioned environment. I have a massage this afternoon. Maybe I can find a happy place so she'll be more inclined to come out!

Adventures in Nesting

Well, the urge to "nest" has been as active as ever this last week. I've been trying to figure out things to keep me preoccupied so that I'm not bored to death waiting to go into labor.

In spite of my willingness to get things done, I'm rather limited. Since the baby's dropped my hips have spread more making it difficult to walk or stand more than a few minutes. Actually, it's almost unbearable to walk very far or to get up from sitting. So my projects are done in short bursts or I have to figure out how to do them while sitting.


At the top of my project list is knitting presents for my midwives and their apprentices. I finished the blue one yesterday. Knitting is about the only thing I can do for a prolonged period of time so I'm glad I have some projects to keep my busy. The hard part is blocking them when they're done because I have to crawl around on my hands and knees to pin them down and steam them.


The day before yesterday I scrubbed the bathtub and washed the shower curtain. It's rather difficult to lean over the edge of the tub with such a huge belly. I got a book awhile ago by Mrs. Meyer that has all sorts of cleaning tips in it. It suggested putting the shower curtain and the liner in the washer and then air drying the plastic liner while the curtain dries in the dryer. I was so surprised at how well it worked to get the plastic liner clean. The maintenance guy also brought me a new curtain rod and installed the diaper washing thing on our toilet. So that crossed three things off my list.

Today I transplanted the mint and lavender plant that Bri got me for mothers day into a bigger pot. It ended up taking a lot more effort than I had expected. Mint has pretty tough roots! You can see it needed to be in a bigger pot as my window sill wasn't quite big enough anymore. I also planted some sweet thai basil since regular basil doesn't seem to be in season yet. I'll add it to the pot when I can get it.


One of the big projects on the list was to fix our barbecue. We haven't been terribly nice to it and one of the burners decided to shoot flames out the front and melt the knob off. This was a Paul project for the most part. Once he got the burner fixed and had disassembled most of the barbecue I came out with a big bowl of soapy water, some rubber gloves, and steel wool. It's amazing how dirty barbecues get!



Paul hooked the hose up to the faucet around the side of the building and we got it mostly clean, and now I have the hose to water my plants. Yay!


I also managed to get a drawer cleared for bottles and such. Paul did the dishes this morning while I cooked whole wheat banana walnut pancakes with blueberries. We know how to suffer around here.

Still left on my to do list is to shampoo the couch, to dust and to clean out the fridge. Hopefully my hips will let me get everything done over the next few days without killing me first!

38 weeks 1 day: Mad Dash to Labor

So, I know I still have two weeks before my due date. But I'm horribly uncomfortable (as I was forewarned) and I would really not mind if our baby wanted to come a little early. Actually, I wake up in the morning thinking "this could be the day I go into labor" It's still early so I'm not too discouraged yet, but I'm not going to accept this level of discomfort without a fight! So I've compiled a list of ways to naturally induce labor followed by what I've tried. Sorry if some of this is tmi.

Signs of Labor so far:

•  a few braxton hicks contractions (my belly gets really hard), but nothing of note
• my pelvis has been aching which is a sign that she's dropped more, my belly is also noticeably lower and I feel my center of gravity and my weight lower - it's heavy

Methods to Naturally Induce Labor:

1. Sex - prostaglandins in semen help soften the cervix to stimulate dilation. 
• no comment
2. Nipple Stimulation - triggers production of oxytocin, the hormone released to cause contractions
• I figured out how to use my breast pump today. I feel dirty. 
3. Stripping the membranes - is when a doctor or midwife sweeps their finger around the cervical opening to loosen the amniotic sac from the uterine wall
• my birth center doesn't do this and it's horribly painful. pass.
4. Red raspberry leaf tea - stimulates uterine contractions, although not very strong ones
• been drinking a few cups a day it for a couple weeks now, although today and yesterday I didn't because I need to make more. it's surprisingly delicious.
5. Evening Primrose Oil - is an omega-6 fatty acid oil that helps soften the cervix to allow for dilation. my midwife recommends 2 pills orally from 36 weeks and one internally at 38 weeks. I'm not going to elaborate.
• been doing this since 36 weeks.
6. Walking/Exercise - may help the baby drop into position better
• I've been walking a bit every day - mostly for shopping, but it's still hard! Yesterday I really pushed myself at water aerobics. This may be part of what helped her drop more. 
7. Pineapple, Eggplant Parmesan and Spicy Foods - I think these are more wives tales, but they're supposed to stimulate labor.
• today I ate a really spicy burrito. I have pineapple plans tomorrow. It may not do anything, but at least I really like pineapple. 
8. Accupressure - the trigger points are in the shoulders, the back of the ankles and the webbing between the thumb and index finger
• My massage therapist was kind enough yesterday to focus on these places (she has a three-month-old, she feels for me) I'm pretty sure this is probably what caused her to drop more. 
9. Black/Blue Cohash - it's mostly for if you've been in labor for awhile and the contractions are still irregular. it's supposed to cause them to go into a rhythm and get more productive.
• probably won't use this at all and if I do it will be after my due date at the instruction of my midwife. this stuff is potent!
10. Castor Oil - is supposed to induce labor, but also cleans you out of everything. I've heard it's rather unpleasant. I hope I don't get to a point where this becomes necessary.
• If I do this it won't be until after my due date.
11. Swinging on a swing - gravity?
• I was going to try this today just because it sounded amusing, but didn't get to it. 

The saga continues. 

The Baby Shower

As probably everyone who reads this know, Saturday was our baby shower and I am so happy with how it all went. I highly recommend doing the coed thing. It was so great to get to see all of our friends and family.

I can't get over how generous everyone has been. Short of diapers and a couple other odds and ends, we basically have everything we need - at least I think we do. It's hard to really know what you'll need until you get there I suppose. I went on a shopping trip yesterday and got a few more necessities like baby wipes, g diapers, and a moby wrap. I feel so relieved that we are going to be okay!

I have decided that we will have the best dressed baby ever. I ran some laundry and put all of her clothes away yesterday. I think we'll probably have a new outfit for her for every day until she stops fitting in the 3 month sizes. I'm glad we have the closet space, but finding homes for everything is a bit of a challenge. Our kitchen is pretty much at capacity, so all the bottles and parts are patiently waiting on the counter for a permanent home.

Tomorrow I'll be 38 weeks. There's very little that doesn't remind me of the fact. The warm weather over the weekend had my hands and feet so swollen that I felt like the marshmallow man. My energy is super limited. I'm actually dreading the walk from my car to the choir room to teach voice lessons this afternoon. It's also becoming even more difficult to roll over when I sleep, and to get up. Basically everything is hard. I have a list of things I want to get done around our house this week that's only about 10 items and yet it will likely take me the entire week because I'm so slow and have to rest all the time. I was promised supernatural mommy nesting powers and they haven't kicked in!  I feel the urge to get everything ready but I can't do it all myself. It's like being a little kid again and not being able to reach things or lift the milk jug.

After Wednesday I am basically in baby waiting mode. If anyone wants to come keep me company to help distract me from the contractions I'm not having I would love it! Honestly just having someone around to watch tv with is nice when you can't do much. So call me!

First Signs

Signs of impending doom:

• I keep feeling like I'm having menstrual cramps. They're mostly ignorable and not very predictable though so that's good.
• At my prenatal appointment yesterday they said that the baby had dropped, which would explain the cramping. 
• Acid reflux that I've not had before bordering on nausea. Sugar seems to be my enemy. 
• Birth center bag is packed and ready to go. We still need to have the car seat checked to make sure it's installed right. 

I've been having a combo of cramps and Braxton Hicks for about 3 consecutive days now. It's really weird to be in such a state of dread and anticipation at the same time. I keep telling her we just have to get through our baby shower tomorrow and then she can do what she wants.

I'm super excited to see everyone and am really happy about the weather predictions! I am so glad that I don't have to be more pregnant in hotter weather. This is about as warm as I think I want to handle.

Contemplations at 37 Weeks

Today can be measured in many ways. Today I'm 37 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Today I'm 40 pounds heavier than I was 9 months ago. Today, I woke up at 6 without an alarm.

Parenthood is on the brink! When we decided to get pregnant it was kind of an "all or nothing" attitude for me. We either have kids or we don't. There's really no alternative. Now that I'm at term and I could go into labor at any time it's difficult to really comprehend our "all in" decision. I suppose I've had 9 months to wrap my head around the idea. I'm in awe of how having a baby can change your life so completely and yet, people do it every day.

I think what baffles me is how instantly your life changes. We'll go from being "just the two of us" to "just the three of us." We'll have to have babysitters if we want to go out. We won't be getting sleep for weeks. We'll have a person in our lives that will dictate everything we do until the day we die. For as many dreams as I've had about it and as much as I've thought about it, I know I can't wrap my head around what all of this really means, and so I've decided to just accept each day as it comes and to stop trying to comprehend it all. It just is what it is.

I think pregnancy has treated me well. Given I've had my share of ailments such as frequent trips to the bathroom and sore hips, but there are perks to being pregnant that I'm going to miss. I think what I'll miss most is the attention.
Everyone always has something to talk to you about and everyone always wants to know what it's like. I thought I would get annoyed at being questioned all the time but I actually enjoy it. Random strangers smile at you, people get out of your way when you walk by. Old ladies try to help you carry large heavy items.

I also thought that I would be freaked out by people wanting to touch my belly but it's been the opposite the whole time. I love when other people get to feel the baby move. It's like a really great secret that I get to share with other people.
I will also miss the freedom to eat without guilt. I don't think I've been completely irresponsible about my diet through this whole thing, but I definitely haven't been tracking my calories, and I would never get away with some of what I've eaten without gaining a massive amount of weight. It does feel good to be in charge of my eating habits and to have the health and energy that comes with it, but I'm not looking forward to being back on the wagon of weight loss.

I've been having braxton hicks contractions for days now. It kind of sank in a couple days ago that these fake contractions could be the real thing at any time. That sort of blew my mind.

I'd like to survive past this weekend for the baby shower, and hopefully through next week too since I still have several voice lessons to teach. I've been working on knitting presents for my midwives to say thank you for how awesome they have been. I'm hoping this is something that keeps me from growing impatient as my due date approaches since I probably won't have time to finish them after the baby comes. I haven't quite finished packing the bag for the birth center yet either, so I probably need to get that done asap. I also feel like I haven't quite nested yet. I haven't had the spurt of energy I need to tackle the few projects around the house that I wanted to have done. It feels like I'll reach a place of resolution and then she'll just know and be ready to debut. But that could just be wishful thinking!