Contemplations at 37 Weeks

Today can be measured in many ways. Today I'm 37 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Today I'm 40 pounds heavier than I was 9 months ago. Today, I woke up at 6 without an alarm.

Parenthood is on the brink! When we decided to get pregnant it was kind of an "all or nothing" attitude for me. We either have kids or we don't. There's really no alternative. Now that I'm at term and I could go into labor at any time it's difficult to really comprehend our "all in" decision. I suppose I've had 9 months to wrap my head around the idea. I'm in awe of how having a baby can change your life so completely and yet, people do it every day.

I think what baffles me is how instantly your life changes. We'll go from being "just the two of us" to "just the three of us." We'll have to have babysitters if we want to go out. We won't be getting sleep for weeks. We'll have a person in our lives that will dictate everything we do until the day we die. For as many dreams as I've had about it and as much as I've thought about it, I know I can't wrap my head around what all of this really means, and so I've decided to just accept each day as it comes and to stop trying to comprehend it all. It just is what it is.

I think pregnancy has treated me well. Given I've had my share of ailments such as frequent trips to the bathroom and sore hips, but there are perks to being pregnant that I'm going to miss. I think what I'll miss most is the attention.
Everyone always has something to talk to you about and everyone always wants to know what it's like. I thought I would get annoyed at being questioned all the time but I actually enjoy it. Random strangers smile at you, people get out of your way when you walk by. Old ladies try to help you carry large heavy items.

I also thought that I would be freaked out by people wanting to touch my belly but it's been the opposite the whole time. I love when other people get to feel the baby move. It's like a really great secret that I get to share with other people.
I will also miss the freedom to eat without guilt. I don't think I've been completely irresponsible about my diet through this whole thing, but I definitely haven't been tracking my calories, and I would never get away with some of what I've eaten without gaining a massive amount of weight. It does feel good to be in charge of my eating habits and to have the health and energy that comes with it, but I'm not looking forward to being back on the wagon of weight loss.

I've been having braxton hicks contractions for days now. It kind of sank in a couple days ago that these fake contractions could be the real thing at any time. That sort of blew my mind.

I'd like to survive past this weekend for the baby shower, and hopefully through next week too since I still have several voice lessons to teach. I've been working on knitting presents for my midwives to say thank you for how awesome they have been. I'm hoping this is something that keeps me from growing impatient as my due date approaches since I probably won't have time to finish them after the baby comes. I haven't quite finished packing the bag for the birth center yet either, so I probably need to get that done asap. I also feel like I haven't quite nested yet. I haven't had the spurt of energy I need to tackle the few projects around the house that I wanted to have done. It feels like I'll reach a place of resolution and then she'll just know and be ready to debut. But that could just be wishful thinking!