Saturday, July 30, 2011

Cosleeper Day 4, 5 & 6

I am sitting here nursing a pretty persistent headache. Wednesday night was a pretty typical night with the cosleeper. Thursday was fine too although I was a bit anxious going to bed because she fussed all day. Last night was a bit of a curve ball however.

I spent nearly the entire day yesterday out and about running errands. I had lunch with Julia (which was awesome :), I got a copy of Charlottes birth certificate, and then I went on a wild goose chase for a store that I keep confusing with another store. This wasn't a bad thing though because I got a very pretty scarf for winter. It was probably around 6:30 that I got home. Charlotte was fussy and I fed her immediately since I'd only fed her twice in 7 hours. Bri and Emily came over so we could bake cupcakes for the bridal shower for Caitlin Sunday.

Charolotte was pretty good until it started to get to around 9 and she just wouldn't go to sleep. Usually she dozes off around 9, wakes up around 11, then 2, then 4, 6 or 7 and 9. I figured there was just lots going on, so I tried getting her to sleep in her swing in the bedroom with the lights off. That didn't work, she kept fussing over her binky, so then I tried holding her, feeding her again, etc... Ultimately, I didn't end up getting her to sleep until about 1:30. Usually I go to bed with her at 11, so I missed one of my sleep chunks. I'm tired today. I would have slept but I had more errands to run for the shower and Paul's at his brothers all day. No rest for the mothers I guess.

Perhaps I shall try to take a nap now.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Cosleeper Day 2 & 3

The battle of the cosleeper rages on! Well, it's not really a battle so much as an attempt to figure out a strategy that works. That last two nights have gone pretty well. I've been able to get her to sleep with less effort each night and she's been sleeping for good 3 to 4 hour chunks. I was a bit nervous after yesterday. She probably only slept about 3 hours total all day and was pretty alert and awake most of the day. I tried feeding her, taking her for a walk in the stoller, driving her, leaving her in the swing but she was just alert and checking out the world all day. Luckily when it got to bed time she conked out after a good feeding and only woke up twice before 9 this morning.

So, now that I'm able to get her to sleep in her cosleeper, I have some new challenges.

  1. Nighttime feedings. There's not really a headboard left on our bed because of the boxspring so I end up sitting hunched over on the edge of the bed to breast feed. My neck is killing me. I need to figure out a way to feed her where I don't end up stiff by the morning.
  2. Pacifier control! I'm trying to ween her off the binky a bit, but she is really attached to it. I would like to get to where she can go to sleep without me having to lie there reinserting her binky every two minutes because she's lost it and starts to fuss.
  3. Keeping her in her bed through the whole night. After her feeding usually around 6 or 7am she won't go back to sleep. She constantly spits out her binky and her hands and feet are usually freezing no matter how much I pile on the blankets and try to cover them with mittens and socks. (they always end up off anyway) So I end up pulling her into bed with me because she falls right to sleep probably because she's warm enough. I'm thinking about putting a heating pad under the towel she sleeps on and putting on the lowest setting, but I'm a bit nervous that this would overheat her and she'd get dehydrated. 
In other news, I was telling my mom yesterday about how she's more chattery, how she's on the verge of smiling intentionally, and how she's starting to spend more time looking at my face and staring at stuff. Then I get an e-mail that says : Your baby is learning that she has hands and fingers and feet and toes. She's also starting to talk more. Not with words, of course, but by cooing — with increasing goos, gurgles, and grunts. Good timing babycenter!

She came to watch Charlotte while I went for an interview with New Seasons. It was nice to have an honest conversation with my interviewer. We ultimately agreed that I wasn't going to be the best employee if I had to commute from Clackamas to Hillsboro. So he said he'd keep my application on file for a closer store and when a job opens up they'll give me a call again. I'm kind of bummed that I don't have a sure thing there, but I agreed with him that I would definitely be around longer if I wasn't miserable from such a long commute.

Now I've got the kiddo strapped into her carseat so we can go for a walk, so off we go!



Monday, July 25, 2011

Cosleeper Day 1

I find it amusing at how much stuff is involved with going to bed. We've been sleeping in the living room for weeks now so I hadn't really thought about it until last night. Charlotte needs her pacifier, a burp cloth, a light blanket and a heavy blanket, diapering stuff which includes a gpant, two liners & two gcloth, and wipes. I need my nipple cream, boppy, and water cup. It probably took an hour to gather everything into the bedroom last night for her attempt at sleeping in the co-sleeper.

I have discovered the value of tin foil in dimming lights. My home decorating now includes tin foil on several smaller lamps. It's enough light to see so I can nurse, but not so much that she won't sleep. It's not the most fashionable thing, but it works! I had to wrap more tin foil around my bedside reading lamp as part of the getting ready for bed process last night. Tin foil.

Getting her to sleep was a bit more difficult without the swing. In the co-sleeper she tends to fall asleep, startle, and then lose her pacifier which makes her mad so she starts to cry and flail. After an hour of this cycle I gave up and spent another hour letting her suck on my finger to get her to sleep. I tried to feed her really well before I put her down hoping she wouldn't need either to sleep, but she was really fussy and I caved.

Other than that it wasn't bad. She woke up at her typical times, I got up, nursed her, changed her, and was able to put her right back to bed. The only thing I'm concerned about with the co-sleeper is how cold her hands and feet get. I covered her in two blankets but she was still pretty cold when I picked her up this morning. It was so warm last night I had left her in a diaper and a t-shirt. I'll have to put her in her footie pajamas tonight so she stays warm enough. Overall I am relieved that it didn't turn into a night of hysterics. Progress!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Busy Busy Busy

It's been a long week. It's been really difficult with Paul working 12 hour shifts. I feel like a single parent. He gets home, eats dinner and then has to go to bed. It's been hard not getting irritated with his inability to help me with anything. I have the baby all day, plus the cooking, dishes, laundry, housecleaning, shopping, visiting, budgeting, etc... He doesn't require that I do it, but I do. It's impossible for me to sit and just feed Charlotte when she's hungry and take naps when my house is in disarray. So it's been hard.

Thursday Charlotte turned 1 month old. It's amazing how time flies. I took her to have her picture taken and I'm really looking forward to having some nice pictures of her finally. Yuen Lui sucks. Don't waste your money. Sears cost half as much and I got way more pictures and much better pictures. Since Thursday we've had people over, I've taken the baby to visit the Kinkley's, I took her to a wedding I sang for, we helped my grandparents move the last of their furniture and we went to dinner at my parents.

What's been the most challenging through all of this activity is improving my milk production. She's been getting more hungry and my milk hasn't been keeping up. So I've been having to feed her more frequently during the day. This means having to figure out her feedings around driving time, time I need to have her asleep, and times when there isn't a place to feed her or I have to be doing something. It's basically been do a thing, feed her, drive somewhere, feed her, do another thing, feed her, take a nap, feed her, eat some food, feed her.

The perks of being busy and trying to get the milk up have been nice though. If I'm not home, I'm not frustrated with my house and I don't rush feedings quite so much. I've also been having to drink dark beer. It's actually really nice to have a few ounces of beer before I go to bed for the night.  It's a lot of work, but the payoff has been really good. She's sleeping much better at night and she's getting easier to feed. We've worked our way from the recliner to the couch. I'm able to feed her and put her back in the swing and she goes right back to sleep. Paul's switching to graveyard shifts tomorrow so I'm going to start working on getting her to sleep in the co-sleeper this week. If all goes well, I'll get to sleep in the bed again! Huzzah!

Monday, July 18, 2011

New Mom Group

Today I got to go to my first new mom group. Andaluz hosts it the first and third Monday of the month. There's a lactation consultant at the group so you can get help with breastfeeding and ask questions. It was so nice to hang out with other grown ups that know what you're going through. It was also cool seeing moms from our prenatal classes. We all exchanged e-mails and are planning to meet on a weekly basis and to have food! We figured out that we all live in relatively the same area too so we can meet up closer to where we live if the birth center isn't available. Now I'm kind of bummed about moving to the east side in September. I was also able to get her footprints into her baby book on the way out. Unfortunately she was being a drama queen and wouldn't let us do her hands too, so I'll have to try for those when she's passed out. We made an attempt but she ended up getting ink all over the place.

Talking to moms of babies of all ages was really reassuring. Everyone had different experiences with their births, with breast feeding, and with different day to day stuff. I feel so much better about how I'm doing things having heard how normal my experiences are. Now I'm really looking forward to Charlotte getting bigger and the things she'll be able to do.

Tomorrow Charlotte will be 4 weeks old and on Thursday she'll be 1 month old. It's amazing how fast time flies. It's weird how her birth seems like it was just yesterday but also like forever ago. I'm going to go to one of the cheap picture places like Sears to get some pictures for her baby book.

Now I'm off to nap!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Late Night Grocery Shopping

The sleep saga continues. Charlotte had her postnatal appointment on Thursday and after a long night I was pretty emotionally fried. My midwife suggested I try some herbs to help. I dunno about this whole post partum depression thing. Most of the time I feel just fine but then I hit a wall and feel like I can't handle anything. It seems more like a sleep deprivation no time to take care of myself thing than a depression thing. 

Anyway, I got "permission" or rather, validation, at my appointment to pump and bottle feed Charlotte for a couple feedings. It makes it much easier at night to feed her and go back to sleep. It also gives my sore nipples a break. I've done this the last two nights and it's been much better sleepwise. 

Last night I decided to keep myself awake by going grocery shopping at Winco at midnight. I've always enjoyed doing my grocery shopping there late at night. I put on my headphones, park my cart at the end of the aisles and take my sweet time. I took Charlotte in the moby wrap. She fell asleep within the first few minutes but woke up when I put her back in her car seat to go home. It was fairly easy to get her fed and back to sleep around 2 and then she slept for 4 whole hours! I think the bottle I fed her at 6 upset her tummy though because she grunted and wiggled in her sleep the next couple hours and I finally gave up on sleeping more. 

I think with this sleep deprivation thing what ends up happening is that you just get used to it, it doesn't necessarily get better. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Unpredictablity

Right now my 3-week-old is passed out and making all sorts of grunts and noises in the crook of my recliner with me. It's rather cozy.
Nap time!
She was kind enough to give both of us a break last night. We slept together in the recliner, she woke up, ate, and then went straight back to sleep. I hardly remember waking up to feed her. The night before last she was awake for 6 consecutive hours. Nothing would get her to sleep and nothing would stop her fussing. Finally at around 3am Paul left me in the bed crying and took her for a drive. She fell asleep within two blocks of our apartment. So now at least we know what works for the next time she's up all night.

Today she's slept most of the day with a few feedings. Paul had to miss work to go be a witness in a trial, so he got home and took over babysitting duties. You can see that he's very devoted to the cause. I spent a good chunk of the day trying to figure out some bookkeeping software while they slept on the couch.

I really hate doing my bills and I really hate doing my budget. Our lease is up in September at our apartment and we've decided that it would be the most beneficial for us to move in with my parents for a few months. I feel like we need to really get our spending under control so that it doesn't become a waste for us to live there. We need to save!
 I started by downloading quicken. I wasn't impressed. It basically just tells me what I've already spent my money on. I don't need a program for that, I can look at my bank statement. So I'll be returning that software. Now I'm trying software called You Need a Budget. I like the interface for it, but it still doesn't do as much work for me as I'd like it to. I wish I could fuse the two programs together. I spent hours entering data into the program today only to have it all deleted when I closed it. I wish I knew how to write software. I could make millions by writing a program that I can actually use!

On another note, we've been cloth diapering for a few days and they are awesome. They are really easy to change, really easy to clean and don't leak or anything. The setup cost was rough, but it was worth not having to buy disposable diapers anymore. With our finances so tight it's nice to not have to worry about buying something for our baby to poop on! Gdiapers for the win!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Heeding The Advice of Many

Well, the last two nights haven't been that bad. I still get anxious around 9 when I start to get really tired and I know I have a long night ahead of me, but I think I've found a happy medium.

I called and talked to my midwife and posted my dilemma on the breastfeeding support group on babycenter. The responses I've gotten have basically been to let Charlotte sleep when she sleeps and to adjust my sleeping times around her. Trying to keep her awake during the day will just make her more fussy at night it seems. Sleeping with her in the recliner has been working much better than sleeping in bed as well. It's easier to feed her when she wakes up and easier to get her back to sleep since I'm holding her and stays pretty warm. I miss my comfy bed but I'd rather get more sleep in my recliner. I've also reconciled myself to not having a morning. This arrangement has me "going to bed" around 11pm and finally getting up around 11am. I figure with the lack of deep sleep and all the interruptions throughout the night this is a near equivalent to my normal 8 hours.
G Butt!

I realized, too, that I need to feed her a little more than I want to. What tends to happen is that she eats and is fine for awhile but then starts to fuss. I think I've been misinterpreting this as tiredness rather than hunger because I just fed her. When I feed her again she tends to sleep much easier.

On another note we've hit another couple of milestones. First is that she's finally big enough to wear her gdiapers! I managed to get 12 cloth off craigslist for $40. Considering their $30 for 6 new, I thought this was a good deal. We've been using the disposable pads and I've been pretty happy with them. So far there haven't been any leaks and they break up great in the toilet for flushing. I also like how much softer the pant it and how it doesn't leave as many indents on her legs as the disposables do. We'll start using the cloth today and using the rest of the disposables at night. Thanks to the generous donation of Uncle James and Aunt Dori she shall have 12 more cloth inserts. Hopefully this will be enough to last until she gets bigger.


Sadly there is a finger blocking her ear.
oops
Another milestone is that Charlotte's starting to get a bit more responsive to sound and sight. She loves to stare at her Grandpa Gary's face. He has a gotee and I read that baby's tend to like to look at mens faces with facial hair because of the contrast of light skin with dark hair. It's pretty cute how mesmerized she is with Grandpa.

We have a little crocheted carrot with a rattle in it that she likes to look at as well. Today I had her on her tummy and was able to get her to lift and turn her head from side to side when I jingled the carrot behind her head. Yep, she's a genius! She can turn her head! lol

Friday, July 8, 2011

Tactical Measures

The last two nights in a row we've had some pretty rough sleep challenges. We keep having issues where Charlotte wakes up to eat but doesn't stay in her light sleep mode and ends up waking up and fussing really bad. Fussing isn't really the right word. Screaming and squirming is more accurate.

This doesn't seem like it's all that atypical for a newborn. Honestly it's not really that big of a deal. She'll do the same thing during the day and it doesn't phase me. For some reason her fussiness at night pushes me to the brink of my sanity. The last two nights I've ended up in an uncontrollable sobbing heap on the floor in the fetal position.

So I'm on a mission to figure out how to at least keep my temperament under control even if she's going to fuss.

Tactic #1:
Change my sleep schedule.

I think there are three reasons for my over-emotional reactions to her late night fussing.

Reason 1 is that I keep thinking that if I'm asleep around midnight I'm getting better sleep. This is probably true for people who get the normal 6-8 hours and go to bed before midnight. But judging from my daytime haze, I don't think it's doing me much good. So I'm not going to bother trying to get to bed before then.

Reasons 2 and 3  are that I got my hopes up and that I don't wake up well. I've had a few successful attempts at getting her to latch while I'm still laying down and half asleep where she's eaten and just fallen asleep on me again (a huge pro for co-sleeping). I've hardly had to wake up in these instances and barely remember getting her latched on to eat. When this doesn't work I have to completely wake up and sit up to get her to latch. This just sets me on a bad trajectory. I get really pissed off when I've had to wake up abruptly when I felt I should be able to go back to sleep. Ask my mom about when she had to wake me for school! I get downright mean. My frustration contributes to her frustration and she fusses that much more.

My tactic in lieu of these challenges is to expect not to sleep tonight. I'm not even going to try to go to bed. I'm going to sit in my recliner and have the lights and the tv on and if I fall asleep it's fine, but I'm not going to try to actually go to bed or actively try to get any sleep. I'd rather be tired enough to nap with her tomorrow than in this haze where I feel too tired to sleep and am completely exhausted by the time I get to bedtime.

Tactic #2:
Reset baby's sleep schedule.

Charlotte sleeps for long intervals during the day and shorter ones at night. This needs to be reversed if I'm going to get any deep sleep at night. So I've been working hard all day to keep her awake longer and to only let her sleep a couple hours at a time. There are many culprits for why she's been sleeping more during the day, and most of them are my fault.

First is that a sleeping baby is easier for visitors to enjoy. I've been letting her sleep longer because we have people around that want to hold her and I tend to avoid feeding her when there are people around.

Second is that I've been maintaining the philosophy of "if she's sleeping, she must need it." I'm starting to suspect that it isn't true and she can get the same long chunks of sleep at night that she's getting during the day.

Third is that I'm lazy. Feeding her is a challenge and I avoid it.  Time gets away from me when I'm trying to get something done (like blogging!) or we're out somewhere. It's easier to just let her sleep away the hours especially if I don't want to feed her in public or want to interrupt a roll that I'm on with something.

I kept her awake for a couple hours this afternoon, let her sleep from around 4 until 7 and then she was awake from 7 until just a little bit ago around 11. This is probably the most that I've kept her awake and the most that I've interrupted her sleep during the day. I'm hoping it pays off tonight!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Happy Anniversary!

Today makes 2 years for Paul and I. On our drive home last night we were trying to remember how long it's been that we've actually been in a relationship. We figured out it's been something like 5 or 6 years . . . we couldn't actually figure out which! It's weird to think that it's been that long. And the crazy thing is time just keeps going and now we have this little person as a result of it.

So, to celebrate we started the day with Charlottes postnatal appointment. She's 7lbs. 11oz now. I'm looking forward to when she hits 8 pounds because we'll be able to start using her g-diapers instead of disposables. yay! We also had to do her second heel poke. I started crying when she screamed in pain. It broke my heart that I couldn't keep her from hurting, even if it was for a good reason.

After her appointment we went to Kenny & Zukes for lunch. The best part is that when we went two years ago the day after our wedding we got a show with our lunch. There was a guy standing buck naked in a window of the hotel across the street stretching and scratching himself while taking in the view. Luckily the bottom of the window was just the right height to prevent too much nudity. We go back on our anniversary mostly because the food's awesome, but also to see if we'll have another story to tell.  There was no story this year, but luckily Little Toot slept the entire time (the nickname is pretty self explanatory).
Best Pastrami Reuben EVER!

After lunch we went to the very crowded rose garden where she woke up and wanted to be fed. We finally managed to find a shady spot to sit that wasn't too crowded so I could feed her, but it was still pretty out in the open. I'm not a fan of breastfeeding in public. It doesn't help that people gawk at us when we have her because she's so small and new, let alone when my boobs out, even though it's covered up. We drug her stroller up several stairs back to the car after that and changed her before heading home.

Tonight we're going to the pool to meet more people. I'm excited to see one of my classmates babies, and her too because it's been weeks since I've seen everyone. I'm also looking forward to getting a popsicle!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

I'm lucky enough right now that my baby girl is sleeping in her car seat after the drive home so I'm able to write this post . . . although Paul's tempting fate and pulling her out of her seat now. So I guess I'll type fast!
Side Lying Position
I'd been warned that the sleep deprivation the first couple of weeks would be hard. Just like any life experience, you don't really know what it's like until you've been there. Well, we've been there. Everyone copes with this period of infant parenting differently I imagine. With all of the challenges of Charlotte latching and eating properly I was glad that at least I'd begun to conquer the side-lying latch with the help of the nipple guard. With this trick up my sleeve I've been able to feed her when she wakes up and then I can just leave her and doze until she's done. Before I was having to completely wake up and sit up to feed her.

Well, last night my strategy wasn't so successful. After I'd fed her this way twice on each side with no cessation of her crying and fussing, I had to get up. I tried feeding her sitting up, but still she fussed. I got up and sat in my recliner in the living room where I attempted to feed her again. Nothing was working. She had stopped crying and was just chattering so I figured maybe if I just held her she'd go to sleep. I dozed but she ended up screaming again. After about 3 and half hours of this I couldn't take anymore. I'd only gotten about two hours of sleep at this point. I started screaming and sobbing. Paul got up and I handed her to him and just sat and cried in despair.

I went back to the bed to try to sleep while Paul consoled Charlotte in the living room, but I couldn't fall asleep listening to her cry. Probably 20 minutes later Paul came back in and suggested I try feeding her again. I sat up and fed her and finally she fell asleep as did I. At this point it was daylight outside.

I woke up around 9 feeling much more rested than I expected on 3 hours of sleep. The light was so nice this morning that I attempted to take some pictures of Charlotte on the bed. I was hoping to feed her and get her to go back to sleep, but she wasn't having any of it. It took about 2 1/2 hours, but I managed to get a couple of decent photos. They weren't what I was going for, but they're not bad. I have newfound respect for people who get amazing shots of sleeping infants. This is what I ended up with. I think I will try a couple more times to figure out how to get the pictures I really want of her.

Black & White...

and Color

Twinkle Toes!
We went to my parents today for a barbecue where more family could meet the new baby. My mom and aunt suggested that the reason she was so fussy last night was because of something I ate. Then it occurred to me that I had eaten some pretty funky food at the summer festival and Uwajimayas the day before. Apparently squid and octopus don't agree with my little one. Lesson learned! Now I'm going to research some more to find out what foods I should avoid with breastfeeding so I don't have more sleepless nights! 

For now, time to get some more sleep! 

Friday, July 1, 2011

Redefining Normal

For months the thought has been crossing my mind, "eventually things will be normal again." So many "normal" things are disrupted through pregnancy and then with a new baby. Things like potty breaks, what clothes you wear, standing up and sitting down, exercising, sleep, walking, shopping. Normal things.

There were several things that I expected to be better as soon as I had the baby. It seems that they have actually gotten more difficult, I just don't feel uncomfortable all of the time. Potty breaks are fewer and further between but really painful still. Clothing is actually more limited because my maternity clothes are all too big and too warm now and my pre-pregnancy clothes are all too small and now I have to be able to get to my boobs at a moments notice. Exercise is out. Sleep is a distant memory. Walking is out. Shopping is out. Normal seems to be eluding me.

Today we went to Target to get a few more baby things (diapers, wipes, etc..). My typical trip to Target includes walking a lap or two around the store, browsing at the usual clothes, housewares, cleaning stuff, beauty stuff and jewelry and then purchasing the 3-5 things I actually went for. This trip included a scooter, a fussy baby, lots of public attention, stops at two departments and a beeline for the register. I'm pretty sure some things will return to a state of "normal", but I'm also certain that some things, like shopping at Target, will have to be reshaped into a new version of normal.

Now my normal includes breast-feeding, sore nipples, achy hips, sleeping and not sleeping at all hours of the day and night, feeling exhausted from walking to and from the bathroom and having to be helped with just about everything. Some of these things I know will get better. In the meantime I feel pretty pathetic. But I guess it's not too bad of a trade for my baby girl and at least I have lots of guilt trip ammo when she's a teenager!