Mental Preparation

Tonight our birth class didn't go quite as expected. The midwife that teaches it (our midwife) got called to a birth so she couldn't make it. She had invited a couple to tell their birth story so the whole class was basically just that. It was a really interesting birth story, and both parents were really engaging. It was cool to ask them questions and to hear all the details of what they experienced.

I've noticed a pattern with the birth stories I've heard and read so far. Nothing goes how it's supposed to. What we've learned in our class and what I've gathered from reading and such is the following:
- first babies usually come an average of a week late, so expect that
- your water may or may not break before you go into labor - 1 in 10 breaks first, most break during, some don't break at all
- contractions start mild and far apart and gradually increase in intensity and frequency
- your cervix dilates slowly for the first 4-6 centimeters and then goes to 10cm pretty quickly

So far, none of these things have been terribly consistent other than that first babies come late. The only ones that haven't come late are ones that have been delivered through c-section. This tells me I need to be patient. I don't want to be, but I need to be.

I've heard more than one story about how contractions were erratic and hard to time. I've also heard that they can increase and then stop altogether for awhile. I've heard people say that they weren't that painful and felt more like increased pressure and people say they were horribly painful, but bearable. Some peoples labors came on quickly, some took hours and hours. What I've learned from all this is that there's no way at all to predict how my labor will go.

At this point I feel very at peace with the whole prospect. I've started to let go of the control I wanted. For instance, I've had it in my head that I don't want to make very much noise, but the more I think about how I cope with pain, the more I realize that I will probably be rather noisy and that's really okay. There's no use in setting a mental expectation on myself.

I have a feeling of resolution. I know birth is unpredictable, I know it's probably not going to feel good, I also know that it won't be easy. But I'm going to do it, and I will do it and I will never regret that I chose to do it this way. That I am absolutely unfalteringly sure of. It's the same sort of resolution I've felt in the past when I've decided to take control of my diet or when I started grad school. I knew I would get through it and succeed no matter what. I just knew.

I think it really helps that I completely trust my midwives and that I feel totally at ease at the birth center. Having classes and prenatal appointments in the rooms where I will have my baby with the women that will help me do it has really helped me visualize and mentally prepare. It's like when I had to learn not to be nervous for singing. If I spent time in the singing space and pictured my performance going well there I was always more comfortable. This is a different performance obviously, but I feel confident about it just the same.

As this baby's debut becomes more impending, I feel like I'm getting more and more comfortable with this whole thing. I feel really lucky to have stumbled onto this path somehow. I wish I could somehow convince everyone I know that this opportunity exists for them, but I know that every woman has to make her own decisions and find peace with it and perhaps those choices are as widely variant as the birth experiences themselves.